1. Reduce Stress. I know, I know... eyeroll. How can we reduce stress when we have a full time job, or going to school, or have kids, or have to take care of a household, or all of the above?! There is more pressure on women today to be everything and do everything, and to know better than everyone else. What do I mean exactly by know better? I'll explain.
Have you ever told your husband or SO (significant other) how to do something, without them even asking for your opinion? Maybe you don't even realize you're doing it. Or, do you take charge of the finances in your relationship, AND booking oil changes for the car, AND deciding where to go on vacation? Do you decide everything?
This was the first step for me in reducing my stress, which is critical to moving onto step 2 and beyond. You just will not succeed in this journey unless you are coming from a stable place internally. So this is what I did: I immediately stopped (mostly, no one is perfect) giving my opinion or telling my husband what to do. Every question from him was answered with, "whatever you think". This allowed me to give up my grip on having to control everything and let him take care of things.
Further, if something needed to be done like taking out the trash or booking a service to have our dead tree removed, I stopped reminding him or asking him to do it. And an amazing thing happened... it turns out he didn't need a reminder or needed to be asked. I had just assumed it, since I thought I had to control everything in our lives. This need for control came from a place of fear... I was afraid of the world. I was afraid everything would fall apart if I didn't keep it all organized up here [tapping my brain]. As a natural type A, I was setting myself up for an unnecessary nervous breakdown. Our life was (and is) good. Why couldn't I just relax and enjoy it?
So this is Step A to reducing stress: stop telling your SO what to do or giving your opinion*. If they ask for it, say this, "whatever you think". If they prod further, say, "I trust you'll make the right decision." Then shut your mouth!
*If you are with a man that cannot be trusted, ie: is physically abusive; has a gambling, drug, or alcohol addiction; or cannot be faithful; do not give up control.
To read more about 'giving up control' and living almost blissfully carefree, read books by Laura Doyle. I have been following her instruction and this was the first step to improving my emotional well-being. The funny thing about giving up control to a good man (one who is not described by the * above), is that you wind up getting exactly what you want anyway. Men want to please you. He loves you. And he'll go to great lengths to make you happy. Just give him the chance to lead, and be a man. Save your big-girl pants for where they belong... in school, at work, or with your kids.
If you're single and on the dating scene, Laura's book The Surrendered Single is fabulous! You can enjoy this bliss, too.
Step B to reducing stress: Radical Self-Care. Notice above in Step A I did not address outside stressors, like a job you hate, financial problems, health problems (PCOS, anyone?!), etc. Making choices to change these stressors will be ten times easier once you reduce the false, internalized stressors you've created in your mind by needing to control everything in your relationship or dating life. You can't do it all, and when you stop trying to do it all the world will not collapse.
Anyway... back to the external stressors and practicing radical self-care. Do you need to quit your job, or find a new one? Do it. Do you need to reduce your commute time? Do it. Do you need to ask your boss for a raise, promotion, or assistant? Do it. Do you need to hire a house cleaner, even if it's only 2x per month, to take the pressure off of you? Do it (they aren't as expensive as you think). Outsource any household task that you can if you work outside the home. Take the laundry to a wash and fold, pay for a deep-cleaning of the house once a month if that's all you can afford, or use paper plates and plasticware during the week to reduce dishes (or better yet, announce, "I wish the dishes did themselves". Your SO might just jump up and do them for you!). Whatever it is you have to do to reduce the pressure on yourself, do it.
Now, what to do in your spare time? Self-care. Even if you are severely overweight, hairy, and feel like a PCOS beast (been there, done that!!) practice self-care like it's your job. Keep your nails nice (painted, even!), shower every day and shave (yes, EVERY day. Don't let those legs, go!), stock up on nice-smelling toiletries and have a routine. Whiten your teeth. Give yourself a steam facial once a week or more (directions here). Watch makeup tutorials, play with different shades and methods, and create a space for yourself! Mine is a corner of our spare bedroom, and it's my sanctuary every morning:
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| Candelabra- Home Goods, $120. Vanity- Amazon, $219. |
After you have started taking care of yourself as if you didn't have PCOS symptoms, you will feel good enough to go onto step 2 and beyond.
Step C to reducing stress: Fun Extras! Wear lingerie to bed. And since you now have shaved legs every day, it will feel extra good. Also, it will invoke sexy time much more often. If you're single, still wear it. You'll feel fabulous for yourself, anyway! It's never too early to start good habits for when you meet that special someone.
Coming soon...
2. Read Fatlogic, Let It Sink In
3. Reduce Calories
4. Work Out
5. Take Supplements/Medication
