Receiving with grace means you take whatever is offered to you with ease and kindness." -(AGAYCS, pp 16). In Chapter 2, Laura talks about how rejecting a gift means rejecting the giver and declaring yourself unworthy of the gift. This is not the time to be modest, she says. But rather graciously accept the gift without making a mental tally of now I owe this person. Rejecting a gift is also a way to retain control, and shows we are self-sufficient (which is a lie-- no one is self sufficient). Also, trying to keep the score even is another form of control. For example, ever been invited over to a friend's house for dinner, then let's say at the end of the night, you say, "we'll have to have you over as well!" This is keeping score. Of course, you know deep down you want to have your friends over. But announcing it means you intend to make things even, as if you were not worthy of a free dinner your friend laboriously prepared for you. Certainly, have your friend over simply because you want to, not because you feel you must reciprocate!
Receiving graciously also helps you believe that you are worthy of receiving good things in life. Some people, Laura writes, struggle financially their whole lives, then come into money, and squander it because subconsciously they only know how to struggle. Receive, receive, receive, and know that you are worthy!
Here is another example. It's Christmas morning, and your husband hands you a large box, neatly wrapped from COACH. You look at him wide-eyed, and you say, "what did you do! You shouldn't have! Can we afford this?"
Well you've just shut him down before you even opened the darn present! Question: is your husband generally responsible with money? Would it be like him to squander the money reserved for next month's bills? No? I thought so! You've got a good man!
So let's back up: he hands you the large box that is clearly from COACH. Your eyes get wide, and you say, "oh my goodness! What is this!?"
He is giddy with excitement. He wanted to WOW you. Let him WOW you!!
You open the box and a very expensive, large, satchel bag is inside. The fresh smell of leather hits your nose. This is where you oooooh and ahhhh and show you are overwhelmed by such a luxurious gift. Your reaction and appreciation is just as much a gift to him as the gift you are now receiving yourself. AND YOU'RE GOING TO FORGET THE BUDGET AND NEVER ASK ABOUT IT. Ever. Like I said above, if you know your husband won't squander the mortgage payment, then you receive graciously and let him worry about the rest. Maybe he put in extra hours at work. Maybe he got a bonus. Maybe he made personal sacrifices for the last few months to save up the money to afford this Christmas gift for you.
Imagine oooh-ing and ahh-ing, then asking how he paid for it? I can almost hear his testosterone disappearing. Mood killed. Intimacy killed. The next holiday, he'll think twice about getting you something nice, even if it only looks expensive, just so he'll avoid you probing and chiding. Receive it, enjoy it. You deserve it!
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| Drooling yet? |
This is actually somewhat of a true story. My husband and I were dating at the time, and he was in the Army. He was poor as hell, as most new recruits usually are (why don't we pay them more? Seriously!). Anyway, we hadn't seen each other for 5 months, and he wasn't supposed to miss my birthday, but of course the Army does whatever they want and he had to miss my birthday.
On my birthday, there was a knock on my apartment door, and a large package arrived via courier with a large bow and the words COACH across the side. My mouth dropped. I was in graduate school racking up loans, and he was getting Army pay. I gently opened the box and revealed the most beautiful, black leather satchel bag I have ever seen. It was HUGE and GORGEOUS. Tears welled in my eyes and I immediately called him. I told him how special this was to me, and that all I needed was his love instead of nice things, but I will use this bag every single day. And guess what? Almost 10 years later I still use it every day! (Ladies, COACH is an investment that pays you back). Never once did I ask him how he could afford it, or that he shouldn't have because it was too expensive. He knew what he was doing. After all, you wouldn't choose a dumb man, would you? I didn't think so! Let him be the intelligent, independent person that he is.
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